Wednesday, April 08, 2009

You say it's my birthday

I can't point to the year it happened. Maybe it was the sleepover birthday when I was 10 that didn't go as well as I expected that turned me sour on celebrating the day of my birth. It could have been much later, college, because so much more goes on then. Just celebrating making it to the next day is enough. Forget the birthday! (We can discuss that all important 21st birthday another time.)

Despite the fact that I danced on stage, played basketball, and gave lavish science presentations to auditoriums full of children, I do not like attention given to me. I especially don't like attention for just being born. C'mon, we all did that.

So, yeah, today is the day that my mother gave birth to me. It's the day that my father flew his plane in loops in celebration of me. It's three days before my sister held me for the first time 38 years ago.

Like so many years since I turned 29, I am not excited about this day. It is like all the others. I have not accomplished all that I wanted. I have nothing special to do. I don't want anything. I don't need anything except to reach those goals I have set. I am quickly reaching the time when I hate my birthday. It isn't the age. It's all the people no longer here. It's all the things I failed to do. It's a hurdle I must cross, not my day of celebration.

Forget your words of cheer. Use them on someone who desires the attention. I have work to do. There are too many goals yet unreached.

4 comments:

weber said...

take this day and think of all the accomplishments you have managed, the awe that you challenge your kids to find for themselves, the relationships you have and have had, and that you are special to *someone*. might be your husband, might be your sister, might be the neighbor from down the street and 2 houses ago. but to someone, somewhere, you are special enough to wish happy birthday (ME). and to your mother, happy BIRTH-day. : )

jmb said...

Well happy birthday anyway Sarabeth. Lots of time to achieve your goals, although we never do, no matter how long we live. It keeps us striving however.

Genevieve said...

Yes, happy birthday, Sarabeth. You might as well relax and enjoy it. At least, let the kids celebrate their Mom.

Liz Self said...

Then I wish you good speed as you move towards those goals. I enjoy reading about your life as you do :)