Dear Grocery Store Cashier,
As a frequent visitor of grocery stores so that I can feed my family of five plus one dog, a tank of fish, and one turtle, I would like to offer a word of advice regarding customer service. I feel I am highly qualified to offer you this advice as I have held jobs as a cashier in the past, although I am not currently employed as one.
First, please greet me. I have been walking the store whilst pushing a cart full of groceries and one loud, often singing toddler. I need that cheery greeting, like the one the produce man gave me half an hour ago.
Second, please ask whether I would like paper or plastic before assuming that I would like those flimsy plastic things that end up in a bird's stomach. Also, don't look askance at me when I hand you the canvas bags that I brought. Green is cool, in case you haven't noticed. My care of the environment does not warrant a cross look from you.
Third, it is preferable that you speak to the customer, not the person helping to bag the groceries, whom I am having to explain that the sturdier canvas bags can hold more than that one gallon of milk. Heap it on, honey! Sure, you have grievances. I know that. Perhaps you didn't want to work that late, but I don't need to know that Chantay and Beau asked you to meet them, but you couldn't because you are working so damn late. Excuse me, I have a two year old in the cart. That language is not appropriate.
Lastly, say farewell and thank me for visiting the store. It's not difficult, and someone, somewhere taught you to say thank you. At least, I hope someone did. I will offer a free refresher course if you would like.
If you think I am being unreasonable, I would ask you to visit a store that caused me to have higher expectations. After Marge (who knew my name and those of my children) is through having a pleasant chat with you, let Pete or Gonza take your groceries to the car. Pete will smile, talk, show real happiness, and Gonza will wish you a blessed day with the largest, most sincere smile you've seen in a decade. Then, come back here and practice that. You'll feel much happier.