I have been having one of those weeks in which I feel that I am doing nothing, or at least very little, right. Each step that I take, each thought I have is somehow flawed. I do have one exception. I know that hosting Trixie and family while the bureaucrats that be clear all the paperwork so they can go home is the right thing to do. Still, as I said today, the negative energy surrounding me chafes.
I question whether we chose poorly in having our four year-old in pre-K five days a week for the entire day. Is she feeling discarded? Or is it the impending move causing her to build a wall between the school and her? If I begin by fetching her after lunch, am I caving to the fickle demands of a youngster or being a caring, understanding mother? Nearly as important, when I spend the afternoon with her while the two year-old is napping, will she appreciate the effort?
I also struggle with the education of my children, in particular my eldest. Two educators realized that, although she was not yet five, she was ready for kindergarten. (She's now in first grade at the age of five. She'll be six in early December.) This decision has led to a clash with nearly every school in New Orleans due to a August 31st "age by" date. I have heard many cries of "she'll be too young" and "she might not fit in with girls so much older". None have met her. None know how well she learns. I hear a tut tut in the administrators' comments. Are they saying "silly parent" silently as we converse on the phone? Do none of them realize that it would make more sense for her to repeat first grade if this next year proves to be difficult than it would to demote her from first grade back to kindergarten? Am I missing something here?
Today, at the end of this week, I am filled with second thoughts, conflicts, and inaction. Who is this person? I prefer the decisive, confident me. Why don't mothers tell you that being a mother causes you to second guess everything decision? Or, did someone tell me only for me to forget?
What about you? What decisions have you made for your children causing you angst?