Monday, July 30, 2007


My grief resides within me as always. I am better at hiding it. Perhaps this is what others meant when they said that it would get better.

I always disliked hearing that. I mentally responded, “That's not true.” Those people who said it did not lose the same type relationship that I lost when my father died. Or, maybe they did. Maybe I am different.

Love is an insufficient word for how I feel about him. I use the present tense because I still feel such a strong emotion for him. That, like my grief, will not dissipate.

The scent of his cologne, a grandfather playing with his grandchildren, someone with the wide, heartfelt smile that my father showed to the world will cause me to long for him. My heart aches. That physical reminder of my grief has not altered over the past year.

The triggers remain. My grief remains. I want him back so that my world can be right again.


Kell said...

Yeah - the hole doesn't fill, does it? I miss my little guy like crazy... And I know that when it's time for either of my parents to go, I'm going to disappear - and only a part of me will come back. That's how it feels.

Sarabeth said...

That's a good description, Kell. Part of me has disappeared.