A good friend of mine has posted about her son with autism and his behavior in restaurants. Think on this:
The standing on the chair, you are right hard to explain as that is a dangerous thing to do. How about this one though, one of the things my son is "allowed" to do at school is sit on a big ball and bounce...they have found this actually helps him relax, what if I brought that big ball to the restaurant w/me and let him bounce, do you think people would understand?
While I know I would give a stare (no laser beams, though) at the ball, I would understand that the kid had some issue. Most mothers understand that not all children are neurotypical.
Revisit, if you haven't been reading. Judgment. Maybe we shouldn't do it at all. That can't be right, though. A line needs to be drawn somewhere. I just wouldn't attempt to draw it.