Friday, September 15, 2006

My own black dog

Depression. That's my black dog. I can feel it coming to heel beside me as I walk through the day. I have moments of happiness, especially with my children, but those moments don't carry me for too long.

Perhaps somewhere in my mind I think I'm not allowed to feel joy. Maybe I feel guilty for being happy. These feelings and thoughts certainly aren't on the surface.

I will work to get rid of my black dog--or at least put it in a kennel. This may take some time. I will attempt to not be morose too often. I will not wallow in my misery. I don't particularly like misery.

Why did I use the term black dog? From PBS:
As Prime Minister, Churchill’s mood and manner were often considered sour by his subordinates. His own Private Secretary, Jack Colville, wrote, “he is very inconsiderate with his staff”. Later, Churchill’s wife Clementine warned him that he might become disliked by colleagues because of his sarcastic manner.

After he lost power in the 1945, Churchill grew frustrated and bored, and would fly into thunderous bad moods. His family would describe him as having ‘black dog.’ To escape, he threw himself into writing his ‘War Memoirs’.

Lastly, I'm not allowing comments on this post. They aren't necessary.