I don't like to think about the what ifs about my father's health. Wishing that his attitude was different about his own health won't change the fact that he is dead. Bringing attention to his lack of preventive health measures won't help anyone either. Just because I air out my father's lack of personal health care will not change a person's mind if he or she is in denial.
Men in my father's family have a history of early deaths from heart attacks. I knew about his father, but my aunt was telling me of two other ancestors who died early of heart problems. I didn't know this before his death. If I had, maybe I would have played the guilt card on my father while he was living. I doubt it. It wasn't my way with my father.
He was never ill. Oh sure, he had a few colds. He never had the "I feel so bad that I'm not going to do anything type of illness". He either never felt bad until a few weeks before his death or he had no idea that he was feeling unwell because he had never experienced it before. Maybe he just thought it was part of aging.
There were signs of him not doing well. I have a picture of him after toting my second child up and down the hills of a local orchard. He looks worn, weary, and in retrospect, a bit alarming. I didn't make a big deal of it at the time for two reasons: he had just recently marched my mother all over Boston without her complaining of his fatigue, and he was carrying at nearly 30 pound child up and down hills. I would probably look a bit peaked after that.
It is safe to say that my father never thought he would die young. I understand. I feel the same way. I have had a headache for the past three weeks, perhaps longer if I really think about it. However, I haven't gone to the doctor. Headaches aren't well diagnosed unless it is the worst headache of your life. Then, get your sorry a$$ to the doctor. You are in trouble.
Should I go see if my problems are related to the bacteria that are constantly infecting my daughters (one on her eyelashes, the other in her head)? Probably. Will I? Probably not. After all, I'm not going to die of a trifling headache, am I?