Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Songs in my head

My sister and I have been talking about songs that are going through our heads as we trod about our days. One of mine is Paint it Black by the Rolling Stones. One reason is that it is obviously about a death (well to me) and the other is that it was the theme song for a televsion show about an Army unit in Vietnam years ago. I would watch that show with my father. It was the first time that I really understood the things my father did while a Marine Huey gunship pilot in Vietnam. My mother has a box full of letters from him that he sent to her when he was at Quang Tri. Both of them would never let us read them. Dad always said we would have to wait until he died. All of us thought that would be of old age--like 90 or so. I'd like to read them, but I don't think I'll have the courage. So, here's the lyrics to Paint it Black.

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
I see a line of cars and theyre all painted black
With flowers and my love both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a new born baby it just happens evry day
I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door and it has been painted black
Maybe then Ill fade away and not have to face the facts
Its not easy facin up when your whole world is black

No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you
If I look hard enough into the settin sun
My love will laugh with me before the mornin comes

I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
Hmm, hmm, hmm,...
I wanna see it painted, painted black
Black as night, black as coal
I wanna see the sun blotted out from the sky
I wanna see it painted, painted, painted, painted black



His obituary is here.

3 comments:

Trixie said...

Some day you will have the courage and maybe as children of veterans we can write up it. Your dad - my dad and other people's dads. Their story will be lost in time to books published in the 80s and 90s. Books which were far to factual and not personal enough. Books about the hows and whens and not the feelings and emotions. Books which aren't about the ties to home but are instead about the history of the country. Some day maybe you can tell the story of the ties to home which kept these young men sane. Some day.

Kell said...

By all means - read the letters when you're ready.

When Jason died, I could barely stand the cards I received. I put them in a pile and promised to read them later...

I didn't pick them up for a few months... And when I did, I cried all over again... And I keep having those moments... Like the other day - when for some reason, I thought of the night I received "the" phone call... My stomach lurched and it was horrible -

but it's life - and again, I keep telling myself over and over all the ways I have to be grateful for the 5 years I had with him...

jarhead john said...

It would be nice if everyone was able to focus on the good times, the good memories, the good images (like the previous pic), instead of the pain. Alas, we're only human. Loss and pain are part of life, but that doesn't make it any easier. Everyone deals with loss and pain in their own way, and usually, comes through it just fine, albeit a little stronger of heart.