I think what I'm trying to say about your heroine's family history is that it is not written in a way that I find compelling. Everything else about your writing is very compelling. The dialogue, the characters, the setting, even the flow of time are compelling. When you break back to her childhood and I experience her father's voice or she speaks about Abigail I am less compelled in comparison. This is not to say that I don't think the plot can be compelling, I think in general it is a very compelling plot outline. I think that this may be something akin to a lesson you often have to remind me about. Don't tell me that it's compelling, show me. You write dialogue really well because its sparse and in many ways the speech does most of the description, but in the flashbacks this doesn't work for me. I need to feel it or sense either through foreshadowing or tension in her voice. When you flash back it takes the visceral emotion out of it and replaces it with a snapshot. There needs to be some emotional suspicion in her voice for example, as to why these stories were initially told to her by her father. I need to feel her need or I'm going to have a hard time buying into the most fundamental premis of the book. If you can infuse that sense of need in there, then I think you've got a real winner on your hands.
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Too much snot, sinus pressure, and sleep monsters to blog anything. Sorry. Maybe I'll write tonight on the novel. I was given the critique that I need to make Kathryn's interest in Abigail's story more interesting, more something. Here, you read it yourself: